SEX, BOMBS & BURGERS

I'm off to Miami today for a short mini-vacation that actually has nothing to do with books (other than I'll be reading them), so just a quick post today. I had a couple of people ask me yesterday how Apple's iPad will affect porn, or vice-versa. I don't think it'll have any effect whatsoever either way, an assessment the folks over at Fleshbot, a porn blog that you probably don't want to open at work, agree with (thanks to the lovely Dan Howe for the pointer).

As Fleshbot puts it, the iPad - which Apple is trying to position as a device in between a laptop and a smartphone - is actually "the worst of both worlds." Not only is Apple absolutely dictating what you can put on it by forcing you to buy content from iTunes, where porn is not allowed, it also doesn't have a DVD drive so you can't watch your smut that way. Worse still, as I mentioned yesterday, the iPad doesn't handle Flash, which is the format most web video, including lots of porn, is done in.

Fleshbot also points out another reason why the iPad is a poor choice for porn - it's too big. No one will believe you if you claim you're taking it to the bathroom for some "reading," and there's also no way you'll be able to... uh... hold it with one hand.

Some of this may sound silly but there's a very serious point to be made here: it's not a good sign if the porn industry doesn't like your technology.

Of course, that didn't stop some porn companies from hopping on the Apple bandwagon. Just as soon as Apple announced the iPad on Wednesday, my inbox starting filling up with press releases from companies of all stripes claiming their content is optimized for the device. One of the culprits was Digital Playground (the same folks with whom I dined in Las Vegas), who claimed:

As a member of the Apple Developer program for the last decade and specifically the iPhone developer program since its inception, all Digital Playground iproperties automatically sense whether or not the user is using an iPhone, iTouch, or iPad and customize the experience on the fly. Digital Playground users who purchase an iPad will note the seamless integration between the desktop, laptop, iPhone and iPad.

There's actually a couple of problems with that. I suspect Digital Playground is exaggerating (something that never happens in the porn industry, oh no) its involvement with Apple's developer program. If the above is to be believed, where is DP's iPhone app? As Leon Phelps said in , "I would pick you up in my car except that it, uh, does not exist."

Secondly, I'm not sure that anyone but Apple's highly valued partners - like the New York Times, Major League Baseball and book publishers named in its press conference - can claim to know how the iPad works, and how their content will display on it, at this point. I suspect porn companies are pretty low on Apple's food chain, so there's no real way to know how their content will display on the device until it's released in March. Connoisseurs should beware claims to the contrary.